Hey guys, I was in charge of the blog this week, and I did an awful job. We really want to keep a good pace with our blog, and we decided to do at least two to three blogs a week, taking turns with each week. And, well, oops for me because it’s Friday and I’m sitting here starting on my first blog of the week.
There’s a reason why I’m having trouble with these posts though. Excuses are excuses, I know. However, I was just in a bad, horrible, super bitter mood. For a couple of months, nothing in my life has gone right. There’s a crazy schedule that my life has thrown on me and it’s hard to keep up and even harder to face the disappointment when something goes wrong. But, for a couple of months now, everything has gone wrong. And it sucks. It really sucks. That’s where my bitter-verging on sour mood-has come from. I seriously feel like a zombie walking around at times, just doing tasks from class to class, without really caring, seeing, or doing any of it. I felt lifeless and dead. Therefore, when it came to posts, I didn’t have any idea what to write on. I didn’t want this bitter mood to taint anything.
However, around midweek, my sister gave me her brand-new floral Doctor Martins as a gift. As I was wondering around in my zombie mood, in my new light, floral Docs, I decided to work on a little project to match with my them: floral string.
Instead of doing my usual slow speed, stressed homework, I sat down on the grass and picked at the flower/weeds that were starting to spread because Spring had sprung finally. Even though spring was already happening, the flowers were hard to find. I had a little scavenger hunt and everything trying to find the right ones in the right size. Then, relaxing on the grass, I began tying them together. As each flower made the string longer, I started to feel a little bit better.
The Docs and the flowers actually made me happy, and not just because I had a good instagram picture. Something about sitting in the sun, with those light shoes on, feeling the grass, touching the flower stems, made me calm and happy. For the first time in a while, I didn’t feel like a dead zombie; I touched, I cared, and I enjoyed what I was doing. It brought me no frustration at all, even though some of the flowers did break the string once in a while.
These two things, my Docs and my little creation brought me out of a dead bitter mood. They are the reason why this post is up. I know that sometimes there are hard times, there are times when nothing will go right, and the only thing left to do is just turn down and become dead. I did exactly that; I walked around ignoring everything, too preoccupied and bitter to see. When I say see, I mean enjoy, live, and play. Out there on the grass that day, I didn’t just make a string of flowers, I feel like I had made a string of awareness. The flowers, a little detail Spring had brought for me, was something that I had enjoyed making last year, and the year before, and the years during Elementary school. It was a little detail that I had enjoyed and taken advantage of for almost every year these past three years and it was almost forgotten.
This little detail Spring brought gave me realization. I was realized that time was going on while I mopped around in my bad, bitter mood. A mood that that kept me from realizing that there was something happening around me, something I wasn’t seeing. I became aware that there were Docs and flowers around me, and that was enough to make me happy. A simple detail that I could still cherish, that I could still be ‘alive’ for, not in the dead zombie mode. Being aware of that, the fact that I had forgotten about this kind of feeling, and being able to achieve it again, gave me a strength I hadn’t anticipated. A strength that freed me from being in full-time zombie mode even though I was dead tired.
Being bitter is not so bad, the world isn’t exactly a happy, I-go-skipping-around-the-park place. Being bitter is okay and a safe response to the hardships of the world, but it is also very dangerous. Even though life can be one big pain, a struggling battle, full of sleepless nights, flowers still come. Spring happens, Fall, Winter, and the Summer. I really love the seasons, each one bringing something different, a change that can be enjoyed by all. In Spring however, the flowers-and even the weeds-are the little details that I love the best. These little details are all around me, sweetening up my day. These little details can be made into little flower strings used for headbands, bracelets, and decorations to along with a pair of pink floral Doctor Martins. Just pick up some long strands of those weeds/flowers and start tying. Even though it may take a few tries, keep at it.
THANK YOU SISTER FOR THE DOCTOR MARTINS ❤